"No Worry"

My roommate is getting married. This should be happy news, it should be cause for celebration, but I find myself yet again trying to accept a cultural difference that makes me upset. Pe Pom is not marrying for love, because “love no eat.” She is marrying a man who was able to give her family enough money for her hand in marriage that they can now buy a farm. Pe Pom says,

“No love him. He old man, ugly. I love mother, I love money."

I find myself biting my tongue and nodding, saying I understand. Everything inside me wants to tell her she does not have to do this, everything I learned in “Women’s Studies” in college runs through my mind and I fight the urge to spout American feminism to her, the urge to tell her to assert her independence and self worth. It’s hard to remember that she accepts this as normal; this is what is expected of her and what she expects of herself. While her marriage may seem shocking to me, it is normal to her. When I try to explain to her that in America this does not happen she simply says,

“America no poor. All rich.”

I have given up arguing with this statement, for though every American may not be rich in monetary ways we are all rich in other ways I am only just now beginning to understand, and used to take for granted. To Pe Pom the idea that people in America would not get married if they did not love one another is just as shocking as her marriage is to me. I ask if she is nervous or frightened about her pending nuptials and she simply says,

“I know worry”.

This is the Thai motto. I am constantly told to “no worry”, to accept what is happening and trust that things will be as they should, and that the act of smiling through fear, angry, sadness and confusion helps to diffuse any situation. So I take a deep breath, wish her happiness, give her a big smile and “no worry” anymore.