Goodbye to Wonderland

The day has finally come...its time to leave Thailand. Its hard for me to grasp that the adventure of the past year is over, that my time in Wonderland has run out. I left Nakhon Phanom Wednesday evening, arriving in Bangkok thursday morning. Grief has been waiting around the corner while I wandered around the streets of Bangkok, surprising me and causing me to burst into tears over anything...the smell of incense from a temple, monks piled in a tuk-tuk, the Thai tea vendor who smiled at me, eating a bag of pineapple, the choking oder of chilies frying, the sound of papaya salad being pounded into submission in the pestle....the list could go on and on. Don't get me wrong, I am overjoyed to be heading back home, but I am also full of sadness over saying goodbye to the land of smiles.

Thailand has changed me. I am a different woman that the one I was a year ago and I am eternally grateful for all that Thailand has taught and shown me. A piece of my heart will always be in Thailand and I will yearn for the sights, smells, sounds and joy of it until I one day return. For now I look towards home and wonder what adventure will be next to come

My sister giving me one last hug at the bus station

I'll miss you Thailand!!

The In-between

After traveling through Vietnam (don't worry, eventually I will get around to posting the stories) returning to Thailand was like returning home. I found myself tearing up at the kindness of the Thais and feeling overwhelming gratitude for all the smiles I encountered.

Yet its not the same. I am not at my school, I am at the orientation site for the new volunteers and my volunteer group has returned home. I am no longer teaching my students and I am no longer living with my Thai family. While I am back to the area that feels like home it is in a capacity that is new and strange. I am surrounded by English speakers all day long and am helping the new volunteers to adjust to life in Thailand.

I feel a little like I am stuck in-between two worlds. I feel homesick for my old life in Thailand and also for America. Some days I feel like I cannot wait to go home, to start the next chapter of my life and begin to get over the heartache of saying goodbye to Thailand. Other days I feel an overwhelming anxiety that I have made the wrong decision, that I need to stay here, that there is no way I will be able to actually get on a plane and leave all this behind. I just need to keep moving...and get out of the in-between.

Reflections on Flying Solo

Currently I am in Vietnam and traveling the country by myself. While it may not be my first time travelling it is my first time traveling ALONE. Before I left I was nervous, afraid of what would happen, scared I would become lost among the masses. However, as of today I have been a solo traveler for exactly one week and I am hooked.

Traveling by oneself enables one to truly experiance the here and now. I make everything happen, nothing is planned with out my careful consideration, I never am just following someones else's lead. Everything that I have done and experianced is out of my own decisions and power and let me tell you it is intoxicating! I cannot think of a better way for a young woman to experiance the world around her other than to throw herself into in it with no other protection than herself.

While traveling I have met many other lone females. We tend to find each other and provide temporary companionship for a meal or sight seeing trip or two. Yet so far I have met no other lone American female travelers (or really many other Americans at all) and it really makes me ponder why. Why is it that American society does not support finding oneself through travel, through exploration of the world and culture around us? I think that the strengths that one finds with in themselves while traveling and while observing and living within another culture benifet all aspects of life; the lessons I have learned during this past year have helped to form my very vision of the future and the way in which I want to spend my life. What could possibly be more valuable than that?

To all my female readers, please, pick somewhere you have always wanted to visit. Somewhere you dream of going yet always put off because you've no one to go with you. Go. Pack a backpack and just go. I promise that the pay off will be far greater than any of the fears.

Its so Hard to Say Goodbye

Tonight is my last night here at Wangkasae. I cannot believe that the time has come already for me to go. I have been busily packing for the past two days and have yet to really wrap my head around what is happening, leaving seems surreal.

This evening I went on one last motorbike ride with my Sister Yuu. I relished feeling the cool wind through my hair as we buzzed around the village. I waved goodbye to students and their parents and tried to imprint upon my memory as many of the sights, sounds and smells as I could. The vibrant green of the rice patties, the steady tinkling of the bells on the cows as they meandered home, the herd of water buffalo happily swimming in the muddy pond, the pungent odor of fermented fish and frying pork from the market, the wide smiles on the faces of those we passed. I am overwhelmed with love and gratitude for this place that has become my home, I will miss it more than I can ever even begin to express and I know I am leaving a part of my heart here forever.

Tomorrow I head to Bangkok for a night and then to Vietnam to travel for two weeks, my first solo traveling venture. I am looking forward to my adventure but know I will be thinking often of what I have left behind. I will return to Thailand and Nakhon Phanom the first week of October to help with the new volunteer orientation and receive my TEFL certification before returning to the states on Halloween. While I am glad that my time in this region is not yet over I am grieved to think that my time here in my village with my students is finished. Thank you Wangkasae for the best year of my life! I will always be grateful to you for pointing me in the right direction and giving me a purpose.

I will post again as soon as I can but it may be a few weeks.......until next time, Choke dee!!

Just a Little Bit Longer...

As I am not quite yet able to believe I am leaving my school I went into town yesterday with my students for a giant competition. Anything to extend my time with them a little longer! It was a perfect day and reminded me why I love it here so much, its all the little moments together that make it all worthwhile.

Students set up there science projects and I walked around to peruse what our competition had come up with. Each time I passed a project by a group of my students they would run to me and give me a hug or pull me over to try to explain to me why their project was going to win. I spent the morning chatting with them and reassuring them that I would never forget them.

In the afternoon I accompanied a fellow teacher to his family home so that he could introduce me to his parents and also show me the house he is building for his family. Two of my older students, Bang and Nim, also came along. While it was nice to meet Mr. Chiewchan's mother I think I most enjoyed spending time with the girls.

We toured a local wat with a beautiful stupa and Nim lead me in a Buddhist prayer special for our day of birth; we were both born on a Saturday. I walked hand in hand with them while we giggled at things going on around us and at the antics of Mr. Chiewchan. They helped me to eat my Isaan noodles ( I wasnt sure the proper ratio of fermented fish to veggies) and bought me cookies and a blueberry slurpee when we stopped at 7-11.

We went to dinner with the director of my school after our afternoon adventure and we shared silly expressions while the men had "guy talk", since we were the only girls at the table. Towards the end of the evening it struck me just how much I loved my students, how desperate I was to hold on to any possible moment with them, how all I want is for them to be happy and fulfilled.

With tears in my eyes I promised them I would return to see them, and tried to tell them how important their education was, how if they studied hard and went to University the would be able to do anything...it was a bit of an emotional rant but I just needed them to know how special they were, that they have the ability to be anything they want. I poured all the words I hadn't been able to say at my last school assembly (I was crying too hard that morning to make a proper speech) and asked Nim and Bang to please tell the others what I said. I know they understood, they smiled, hugged me tight and then sat and squeezed my hands.

In the school bus on the way to the competition

Hugs at the science fair

The stupa

Nim, Teacher Kate and Bang by the Mekong

Bai Talat

This is a topic I have posted before but I couldn't resist one last salute to the markets of Thailand. One of my favorite things about Thailand is the wide variety of markets that are in every village, town and city. Instead of going to a grocery store or department store you simply go to your local "talat" (market) to get everything you need.

I truly believe that this market system is hugely beneficial for both community and health. When you go to the market you are buying food that has been grown or raised in the village so not only is it remarkably fresh but it's also sustainable. All the food you eat here has been lovingly cared for by the vendor who smiles as they sell it to you.

Small villages have tiny little markets a few times a week selling primarily food and household goods while larger markets appear in centrally located areas on the weekends selling clothing, food, household goods and anything else you may need.

Going to market is a social experiance where you are sure to see almost everyone you know and make new friends as you wander the "talat" and peruse the stalls. It's at the markets that I have met students parents, seen students that graduated and made friends with the vendors I see every week. I will miss this aspect of Thailand more than I can even comprehend. I can't even imagine returning to American grocery stores!

"intimates" at the Sunday market

views of the big market

My curryman

Food stalls at the Sunday market

My Pisao checking out the grilled pork at our small village market

Fermented fish....

My student and her mother selling the vegetables they grew

Two more students getting a snack

My friend! Every week at market we talk, I will miss her sweet smile

Locally grown veggies

Wangkasae Talat

Some of my students at the market

Rak Mak!

Leaving these students is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It hurts more than any goodbye I have ever had to make and leaves a grief that aches in my entire being. My heart both swells and breaks with every hug I am given, every "love teacher Kate" note I receive and every tear I see fall. I am so grateful for the year I spent as here at my school and , I am a better person because of these students and the joy they have shown me. It was an honor to be their teacher.

Today was my last day teaching so I dedicate this post to the students I said goodbye to and will miss and love forever.